Being able to have an amazing defecation session these days is rare, with the classes and projects just pouring down like you’re a parade even worth raining down on. You don’t even have time to sleep, right? How much more to defecate with all the time in the world? Defecation should be done in the solace of the toilet, with your mind sound and ready to let go of everything pent up inside. Including those blocked by a very tense anal sphincter.

With that said so casually, farting is inevitable.

Source: http://www.taurusarmed.net/forums/firing-line

Farting is the sigh that these poor solid things breathe out because they aren’t able to escape the dark cavern that is the large intestine. The act also provides a small pleasure; an evidence that even when you feel so constricted, the body can find a way to let go even if it has to take a different form. But, my dear friends, the beauty of your own fart is not appreciated by everyone.

When farts have a distinct smell, a different tone in their voices, everyone’s preferences seem to awaken. They would then judge this amazing biological process, as if their opinion matters to the trapped fecal creatures inside you. The diversity of the human cognition may not be able to grant a promise of acceptance. Therefore, you’re the one left to put reins on these farts. But when the going gets tough, the clever gets away with farting.

So how do you get away with farting? Well, I have some advices.

1.    Bury evidence.

How would anyone accuse you of farting when there are no traces of it that could lead to you? Burying evidence is key. So, let’s do some logic.

Fart comes from your butt. Your butt is the origin of the subject of crime. You need to hide the origins of the fart. The butt is “yours”. Now, do you see the butt as an evidence that could trace the fart to your sorry ass? There’s one solution. Bury your butt and leave it there to rot!

A healthier alternative: Quick Defecation. Unpleasurable, but at least you won’t get earthworms into your odoured crack.

The clothes you are wearing traps molecules that hold the chemical compositions found in your fart. These should be buried too. With no odorant clinging on you, you can now live your life free and faultless. Burying things actually erases the fact that you have committed the crime. Therefore, you can easily shout, “Not guilty!” when someone passes a verdict on you and your hemmed-in, soon-to-be excretes.

If Michael caught you farting, bury him too.

2.    Reveal your true identity of being a heartless and digestive system-less android.

You cannot deny your true nature anymore. With the accusations of doing a very humanly thing, you are disgusted by the fact that no one recognized you as a highly intelligent and efficient unit. Efficiency does not make place for something transient such as farts. The exhaust and excreting system of your body only creates a huge bulk of excrements that are ejected in a projectile, with a speed undetectable by the human eye and a smell that the nose receptors do not accept.

These humans are indeed brainless.

Get into this character and reveal yourself with no feelings (it is important you get this bit right). When all else fails, engage in triage. There’ll be no one left to say that you have farted like a puny homo sapiens sapiens in need of release.

Or do none of that. Take responsibility.

Being able to say and reveal that you farted is an exercise on taking responsibility of your actions. Do not run away from the accusations! If you really have done it, then own it. No one will shame you for being very brave in committing a very human act. Accept that you fart, accept that your fart smells, accept that your fart has a disturbing tone of impending doom in it. Take responsibility and accept the consequences of not being able to defecate the night before.

So yes! Fart and be free. Approach a person who farted with acceptance and understanding. After all, it’s just a mere fart. No one should be taking it seriously by making an article about it. 

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This article for Palihog Ko'g Tudlo is written by Tara Angela Prieto.

Some Helpful Tips for Gadget-savvy Iskolars

Ever experienced destroyed charger cables and messing up your dulcet aura as you try to fix them? Worry no more, fellow Isko && Iska’s! Here are a few geeky gadget hacks to help you out!

1. Do-it-yourself cord/cable protectors

Okay. This comes a bit obvious to everyone. But, there are people, such as moi, who do not seem to care for our tools as much as our finished outputs.

Saving the cords and cables, though, is much better than buying new ones. And it does look sort of pretty.

// Caption: (“printf(“Gorgeous”);”)

2. Hide people on Twitter without blocking them.

You’re faced with a situation. Some bigoted friend of yours tries to be mega-sexist on social media, and you don’t ever want to hear another word from them. Ever.

You hang the mouse cursor over their highlighted account names on Twitter. Then that almost palpable little angel on your right shoulder tries to keep you from hitting “Unfollow.” “You’re being immature,” it says.

Cue in Twitter’s convenient Mute button and you’ll never have to worry about relaying personal enmity against “persons concerned” in the heat of social media ever again.

P.S. Best used when person concerned is a boxer-turned-senatorial-candidate.

3. Quickly re-open a closed tab.

I always find it so annoying when I’m binge-surfing during the wee hours and I always accidentally keep hitting on the close button on the Chrome tabs.

Hit Ctrl+Shift+T on Windows or Command+Shift+T on Mac and bask in the awareness of your own foolishness.                                                                                                                                                                                  

Also, erasing part of your browser’s search history won’t affect this little tidbit’s usefulness.

Warning: Make sure your parents aren’t reading this article!

4. Watch blocked Netflix movies

Netflix’s streaming service once prevented users in the Philippines from accessing content. Users, thus, used a free browser-extension called Hola to access these blocked catalogues.

Hola’s potential is rad. 

//Caption: (“Hola, Hola.”)

5. Google can help you study.

This could have saved my neck a few years back in one of my Chemistry classes in high school, when my teacher unwittingly copied an entire exam out of an online repository. I only discovered it weeks later.

Get eluded no more. Just google “site:edu [subject] exam”. Works just fine for students who want to put a little more work into the brain gym.

//Caption: (“for(net=0;;net++) study(eat(sleep(study)));”)

So the next time a prof of yours tries to copy stuff from the net for an exam, smile demurely as le prof hands you le A++.     

Hope you learned a few tips. ‘Till next time!

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This article for Palihog Ko'g Tudlo is written by Jace Roldan.

Photo sources: msn.com

So you went and gave in to the capitalist-driven day of love. And now that it’s over your wallet is depressingly empty and future declarations of love unfortunately cannot bank on flowers, chocolates, and fancy meals anymore.

There are a number of creative ways to express your feelings, and it need not be expensive or unrealistically difficult to achieve. You don’t have to go and build a Taj Mahal (doing that just might send the wrong message) to prove to your significant other that you’re practically a goner for them. You just have to tap into your reserves of sappiness, fluff, and teeth-rotting romantic streaks. That may not sound so simple, but give your plans effort, passion, and dedication to send the deeper messages across.

Bake/Cook

We’ve all heard that the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. But who’s to say that doesn’t hold the same for ladies? Being a kitchen enthusiast myself, I know firsthand the time and effort one needs to put into making food. I’ve done pastas, cakes, and even the simplest cookies, but I find that baking/cooking without passion makes the results rather lacking in taste. There’s something in the product that stands out when it’s made wholeheartedly, and even a botched attempt still shows you tried passionately... and that maybe, the kitchen just isn’t for you.

Paint

Source: Christine Solon

Watercolour is a fun medium to play with, and with its rising popularity, it’s pretty easy to pop down to the nearest school and office supplies store and purchase an inexpensive set. Experimenting with calligraphy to go with your piece is another thing you can do, and don’t worry about not getting it right the first time – practice will make it better. Some of the things I love painting are animals in geometric patterns, silhouettes, and lines from poems. You can try different styles to get started, and it’ll all flow from there.

Write

It doesn’t have to be a love letter. That is, of course, nice and awfully sweet, but if that’s not your thing, then don’t dismiss the idea of writing just because people link it with letters. You can write poems, stories, essays, or even lists (at some point, even a grocery list would be grand). And if you’ve got a bad case of writer’s block, use an existing work and add a simple “this reminded me of you”. Better yet, you can take this idea a notch further and leave a note to your S.O. to make them feel you care.

Create music

Source: http://amixtapeforthesoul.tumblr.com/

For those who can play musical instruments, you are lucky people. You can brighten up your loved one’s day by staging a personal concert or serenading them with a song. For those who can’t play instruments or lack the confidence in their abilities to pull off a piece, you won’t go wrong with a customized playlist. Doing that is even easier now with Spotify and 8tracks, but if you want to go all vintage, a mix-tape would be absolutely lovely.

Origami

Source: http://yahoosg.tumblr.com/post/69227132047/this-origami-artist-can-fold-just-about-anything

There’s no better way to pass spare time and calm restless hands than to put those digits to work on a piece of paper. Before you know it, you’re going to have an army of paper cranes, paper roses, turtles, dolphins, fishes, and more. Origami is also perfect on whatever it is you’ve written, and keeping words about love hidden in the creases of a crane makes the thought all the more sweeter.

Saying “I love you” can come in different forms, and it doesn’t have to cost you an arm and  leg. Behind all these suggestions, after all, is the never-ending need for communication, time, thought, and action.

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This article for Palihog Ko'g Tudlo is written by Monica Gloria Manluluyo.