Being able to have an amazing defecation session these days is
rare, with the classes and projects just pouring down like you’re a parade even
worth raining down on. You don’t even have time to sleep, right? How much more
to defecate with all the time in the world? Defecation should be done in the
solace of the toilet, with your mind sound and ready to let go of everything
pent up inside. Including those blocked by a very tense anal sphincter.
With that said so casually, farting is inevitable.
 |
| Source: http://www.taurusarmed.net/forums/firing-line |
Farting is the sigh that these poor solid things breathe out because they aren’t able to escape the dark cavern that is the large intestine. The act also provides a small pleasure; an evidence that even when you feel so constricted, the body can find a way to let go even if it has to take a different form. But, my dear friends, the beauty of your own fart is not appreciated by everyone.
When farts have a distinct smell, a different tone in their
voices, everyone’s preferences seem to awaken. They would then judge this
amazing biological process, as if their opinion matters to the trapped fecal
creatures inside you. The diversity of the human cognition may not be able to
grant a promise of acceptance. Therefore, you’re the one left to put reins on
these farts. But when the going gets tough, the clever gets away with farting.
So how do you get away with farting? Well, I have some
advices.
1. Bury evidence.
How would anyone
accuse you of farting when there are no traces of it that could lead to you?
Burying evidence is key. So, let’s do some logic.
Fart comes from your
butt. Your butt is the origin of the subject of crime. You need to hide the
origins of the fart. The butt is “yours”. Now, do you see the butt as an
evidence that could trace the fart to your sorry ass? There’s one solution.
Bury your butt and leave it there to rot!
A healthier
alternative: Quick Defecation. Unpleasurable, but at least you won’t get
earthworms into your odoured crack.
The clothes you are
wearing traps molecules that hold the chemical compositions found in your fart.
These should be buried too. With no odorant clinging on you, you can now live
your life free and faultless. Burying things actually erases the fact that you
have committed the crime. Therefore, you can easily shout, “Not guilty!” when
someone passes a verdict on you and your hemmed-in, soon-to-be excretes.
If Michael caught
you farting, bury him too.
2. Reveal your true identity of being a
heartless and digestive system-less android.
You cannot deny your
true nature anymore. With the accusations of doing a very humanly thing, you
are disgusted by the fact that no one recognized you as a highly intelligent
and efficient unit. Efficiency does not make place for something transient such
as farts. The exhaust and excreting system of your body only creates a huge
bulk of excrements that are ejected in a projectile, with a speed undetectable
by the human eye and a smell that the nose receptors do not accept.
These humans are indeed brainless.
Get into this character and reveal
yourself with no feelings (it is
important you get this bit right). When all else fails, engage in triage.
There’ll be no one left to say that you have farted like a puny homo sapiens sapiens in need of release.
Or do none of that. Take
responsibility.
Being able to say and reveal that you farted is an exercise on
taking responsibility of your actions. Do not run away from the accusations! If
you really have done it, then own it. No one will shame you for being very
brave in committing a very human act. Accept that you fart, accept that your
fart smells, accept that your fart has a disturbing tone of impending doom in
it. Take responsibility and accept the consequences of not being able to
defecate the night before.
So yes! Fart and be free. Approach a person who farted with
acceptance and understanding. After all, it’s just a mere fart. No one should
be taking it seriously by making an article about it.
***
This article for Palihog Ko'g Tudlo is written by Tara Angela Prieto.
0 comments:
Post a Comment